Straight boys like “lets threesome” but can’t even please one woman
ATTENTION EVERYONE THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I’VE EVER READ
Just say “sure babe, let’s get another guy in here” and see how quickly they shut down.
i have no interest in small talk tell me about ur childhood and what ur parents are like and how many siblings u have and if u are afraid of death or if u believe in an afterlife and what ur favorite movie is and if u like romantic comedies or horror movies or action movies and what kind of music u like and why and tell me the bands or artists u loved in middle school but are too ashamed to admit to anyone else
*goes to bed at 2am instead of 5am* wow, my life is so in order right now. i’m making such good decisions for myself and my body and my soul and im so in love with myself for doing this
once I asked my English teacher if teachers shipped their students and after explaining what shipping meant she told me that that is literally one of the most popular discussions in the staff room
I had an English teacher who thought these two students were nice together, so she made them partners on a project.
They got married.
"OMG I love 5 S-O-S"
"Omg the lead singer is so hot"
"Wait why do they let the drummer have a solo?"
"The one with the colored hair looks like a crayon"
"I’d bang the Asian one"
"Ew she’s been here since Amnesia? I’ve been here since She Looks So Perfect.. Guess we know who the real fan is"
Pros of dating me
- i’m rly soft and squishy
- i’ll make you hot beverages in bed
- i’m good at compliments
- you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names
Cons of dating me
- zero i am a god
50% of me: “I love dresses and flowers and pretty things.”
Other 50% of me: “I love tattoos and hardcore music and concerts and skinny jeans.”
maybe this year ill find a boyfriend [audience laughs in the background]